Unconditional Surrender

I love music.  I have listened to, danced with and sang along to music everyday for as long as I can remember.  I can still close my eyes and in an instant be flipping through my mother’s record collection.  I loved that sound…flip, Fleetwood Mac’s Rumors, flip, Van Morrison’s Moondance, flip…and the smell of a new record being pulled from its sleeve…how the vellum would stick to the record as you slipped it from its case.  I can get lost in the sounds, the words, the meaning, and the dancing…miles and miles of dancing.  Music means A LOT to me.  So naturally I have a collection of music that has carried me through well, my life.

It seems that I have passed this appreciation to my son.  When I was pregnant with Jess I would blast music in the apartment and dance and sing while I rubbed my belly. Now WE listen to music everyday.  Jess and I have living room ‘dance party date nights’ which include singing at the top of our lungs, daring acrobatics and lots of laughter as we test some ‘new moves’.  I can retrieve most of my fondest memories in the sound of a single note.  Turns out, music has taught me one of the most important lessons on parenting…to surrender.

That’s right folks I now proudly wave the universal parenting flag of white. Alright, so some days it is more of a frantic, exhausted and defeated wiggle of the ‘giving in’ to a hostile take over…I surrender!

Prior to becoming a Mother I was a fanatic when it came to my CD’s.  Do you remember that Friends episode, ‘The one  where Joey doesn’t share food’?  I was like that with my CD’s (and my food, but more on that later).  No, I will not lend you this CD!  You can listen to it here.  If you feel the need to peruse my music, handle the CD properly!  And DO NOT put the wrong CD in the wrong case…I may ask you to leave.

The other day Jess and my niece are listening to music and a stack of CD’s (not put back in their case) cascades from the shelf…ffffffftttttttt…down they go all over the floor.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I did sweat a bit and run over to pick them up…but I didn’t have to demand they vacate the property.  See?  Growth.  I am now a mom to a sticky fingered, music lovin’, five year old AND finger printed music.  Jesse has taught me not to sweat the small stuff.  It isn’t always easy though.  In fact, sometimes it’s even down right painful.  Change=growing pains.

To surrender means, ‘ to yield (something) to the possession or power of another’.  And to yield is to ‘give way’. This does not mean that I always give Jess his way.  But it has allowed me to step back.  To get outside of myself.  To live in the moment.  To forget my ‘rules’…and well…let love rule.

My love for Jess was unconditional the moment I discovered I was pregnant.  I am still learning to give up power, to ‘give way’, to yield.  Sometimes I have to surrender ten times a day.  But each time I do…well, those are the moments of growth.  I strive everyday  to be a better mom.  To master the skill of unconditional surrender. To allow possibility. Oh and how I have discovered, that is where all the good stuff lives…the treasure lies buried within …the sweet surrender.

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